ANOTHER NEW HOUSE CLEANING SCHEME

"You just wait until you hear about my newest house cleaning scheme," I told my husband, in answer to the amazed expression on his face.  Just home from work, he stood there staring at his own reflection in the highly polished surface of the refrigerator door.

"You're going to see some real changes around here," I continued, attempting to spread-eagle myself against the fridge door.

I wasn't fast enough, though.  Before you could say "ice in the icebox," my spouse had pried it open.

"Honey, why are today's bills and the baby's toys in the freezer?" he asked with incredulous restraint.

"It's all part of the strategy,"  I said, grasping at the opportunity to explain my new, ingenious system for gaining a reputation with drop-in guests, neighbors, and the Avon Lady, as the impeccable housekeeper I had never been.

"You see, by cleaning only the visible surfaces of everything, I'll save time, while creating an illusion of order.  Visitors to our home will see the freshly vacuumed floors, the spotless walls, and the neatly arranged bookcases, and say, 'Wow, how does she do it, with all those little kids?'

"Of course, we'll have to put up with a few minor inconveniences--like wearing hardhats when we open the closet bi-folds, and never unlocking the basement door.  But it's just until the children grow up.

"In the meantime, there'll be no more roller skates on the stairs, no clutter on counters,and no more muddy footprints in the hall, except under these throw rugs that I can easily reposition as needed," I told him.

"Everything that meets the human eye will be clean and fresh? Well, that explains it!"  He exclaimed.

""Explains what?" I asked, rhetorically testing his understanding of my scheme.

"That explains the wrinkles in the backs of all my shirts."

"Honey, why are the baby's toys and the bills in the fridge?"