Standing in the grocery store
checkout line, I racked my brain for an appropriate topic of conversation.
"There's no need to break out
in a cold sweat just because the man in front of you has already thoroughly
discussed the weather with both the bagger and the checker," I told
myself. "After all, there are plenty of other things you can make your
obligatory small talk about, while your groceries are being
scanned and bagged."
"Sure there are," the
frozen chicken in my cart seemed to say. "You could always ask the bagger
how his love life is going."
I quickly put the chicken down on
the conveyor belt and pulled a tabloid from a nearby display rack. If I
could pretend to be genuinely interested in finding out how a famous movie star
had contracted deadly feline leukemia from her Yorkshire Terrier, I
might not have to even open my mouth, except to say "Thank you" at
the end.
But, just when I got to the part where the dying
actress was planning to be buried with her dog (which having already passed on,
was patiently waiting in the freezer until the funeral could be held), the clerk leaned over and asked me if I was going to buy the magazine,
Surrendering my reading material, I took a
deep breath, and looked that checker straight in the eye.
"Nice outfit you're wearing.
Did you make it yourself?"
"Actually no," she smirked, with a gesture indicating
that every employee in the store was wearing exactly the same company-issued
vests and trousers.
The conversation further
deteriorated when I mumbled something about the uniforms being very attractive
anyway and she began making gagging sounds.
After that it was all downhill. The
checker seemed to take it personally when I mentioned the price of
hamburger was up five cents a pound, and when I asked the bagger which was worse for the environment, paper or plastic, he said, "Both."
"Oh well," I finally broke
down, "this weather sure is nice."
"Yup!" the two grocery
store employees chimed in together. "Do you think it's going to
rain?"
Sharon Nauta
Steele
THE DESERET
NEWS
December 27,
1991
