Well, folks, it’s time for my
annual “Whatever Shall We Do With All This Zucchini?” column. The
following is a representative sampling from my mailbag:
Dear Sharon,
My wife is into zucchini facial
masks. Every night I go to bed with a vegetable salad.
--Sleeping
with the Green Goddess
Dear Sleeping,
Count your blessings. At
least she hasn’t heard about the latest thing in garlic masks.
Dear Sharon,
Why would my husband insist on
using a 10-pound zucchini for a fly swatter?
--Bugged
Dear Bugged,
What else does one do
with a vegetable called “squash?”
Dear Sharon,
Is it true that local restaurants
will take your zucchini?
--Diner
Dear Diner,
--Diner
Dear Diner,
Yes, to use as
doorstops!
Dear Sharon,
I keep dreaming that I’m being
chased by a giant zucchini. Any suggestions?
--Exhausted
Dear Ex,
Run--do not walk, to
the nearest Hollywood producer. Sounds like a great sequel to The
Killer Tomatoes!
Dear Sharon,
My son insists on playing Zucchini
Frisbee. Our walls are full of holes.
--Boomerang’s Mom
Dear Boom,
One cup mashed
zucchini mixed with ½ cup Elmer’s Glue makes a dandy patching plaster.
Dear Sharon,
Every time I give my neighbor two
zucchinis, she gives me back four.
--Bread Upon the Waters
Dear Bread,
Try giving her other
“greens,” like, say, dollar bills.
Dear Sharon,
Is it true that consumption of
zucchini inhibits the aging process?
--Ponce de
Leon
Dear Ponce,
It’s worked for me.
I’ve been 29 for decades.
Dear Sharon,
Can too much zucchini be hazardous
to your health?
--Veggie
Dear Veggie,
Only when fired from
projectile weapons.
Dear Sharon,
I’ve got zucchini coming out of my
ears.
--Dumbo
Dear Dumb,
Quick, put it back in.
That way you won’t have to keep giving it away.
 |
| Best doorstop ever! |
